I React to Wallpaper

Upon initial entry into what is now and currently my house, it was my immediate decision that the kitchen wallpaper, a mess of grape-bunches and beige, was heinous. The kind of thing that old-fashioned people might have thought was interesting in an old-fashioned way.

After several months, the walls began to close in on me. My wife, who was capable of and had decided to tolerate the wallpaper, was eventually worn down by my incessant raging. At long last, the wallpaper would be removed.

Although hard to imagine, someone actually selected and installed this wallpaper recently, within the last several years. Obviously insane, they removed the previous wallpaper (which was, in fact, worse) and – without priming the wall’s surface to make the eventual removal of the new wallpaper a straight-forward task – re-wallpapered again.

I can see it now: The wife, standing at kitchen’s edge, looking on as Husband, covered in glue, hair matted with sticky bits of ripped paper, struggles oafishly to align the strips and keep them wet. Sweating and squinting beneath the kitchen’s inadequate lighting.

I’m certain they thought this was modernization.

The removal process is tedious and time consuming (think days) because, as mentioned, the simple task of applying a coat of primer to the walls was just too much work. Then, the removal:

  1. Scratch surface of paper with something called a Wallpaper Tiger. This manual device rips many small holes in the paper while making you deaf. Now the chemicals you’ll use to bust-up the glue can penetrate.
  2. Apply coat after coat of the chemical, which will activate asthma in even the healthiest of people.
  3. Begin scraping. Try not to mar the walls. When you do, curse loudly at the nearest housecat.

Days will pass this way. Eventually, a wall surface will make itself known to you. And you will paint it, as any sane and rational person would do.

Also:

I can’t say enough good about Mac OS X.1. The release version was about as speedy and reliable as a can of tomato paste, but the new version is great. The boys at Apple certainly know how to right wrongs. You just needed to be more patient. Perfection: BSD beneath, Aqua atop, a marriage of brawn and beauty so perfect, stories will be written and told to children at bedtime.

And during those tedious outages on the network where you host your development servers, what could be better than turning to your local copy of Postmaster, chugging away happily on your laptop.

Speaking of Postmaster:

Because I’m such a bad speller (much to your delight), I will be including spellcheck capabilities in Postmaster v.2. I’m sure you expected nothing less.

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