Calling All Cars

Truth be told: I don’t mind car shopping. It’s a great way to observe life on Safari, watching beasts (dealerships) kill their prey (you) and the carrion-eaters (salesmen) rip up the remains with their sharp beaks. Mother Nature’s life-or-death struggle in its purest form.

I try and make the process easier by giving the salesman exactly the information they’re looking for right up front, and this lets them focus on telling me what I need to know about the vehicle. This distracts them from my true motive (getting the CarsDirect price) and helps them remember the key-fob or safety details better.

Remember, most vultures have miniscule brains. Just stay away from the sharp end.

What follows is a little list I’ve compiled for the Domesticated Male (Females have magic-powers and lists of their own) to make the car buying process easier.

Don’t expect any financial advice. I leave that to the experts, who will tell you that Step 1 is actually not to buy a car in the first place.

  • Tell them what you’re driving now and how much it sucks
  • Tell them you’re just out looking, not ready to buy today. This is because it’s your wife (or girlfriend) who makes all the real decisions. Laugh knowingly in a we’re-in-the-same-pathetic-club kind of way, and they’ll get it.
  • Tell them that your wife won’t even come out and look at the car until you’re 100% sure about it. And even then. She would just be happy with that Cabrio anyway (don’t say this at a VW dealership).

Hardly advice, really, but that’s it. You were expecting something like this, maybe?

Elsewhere: It seems that Postmaster may be professionally hosted anytime now. This is very good news.

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